Today is Elise Karen Burrow's 44th Birthday

Coming to terms with the finality of Elise's breakup is incredibly hard on my emotionally. I have been crying more than I ever have in my life. At times I see the sun shining through. I sent out an email to friends and family including mutual friends. The response was incredible with over 20 replies in a few days expressing love and compassion. I have it hanging from my ceiling to remind me that I am not alone, that I am loved. The hardest thing is that I physically do not have anyone here for something I desperately need, a hug.

I alternate between the realization that I need to simply accept Elise's wishes and her need to move on without me, and this desperate need to try to win her back. To explain to her that things are really fixable. I know that I could do that if I saw her in person for a day or two. I so, so wish that she would talk to me on the phone. Aside form my pain I just cannot help but feel that she is throwing away something precious in an attempt to protect her physical, emotional, and financial health. As our friend Karen said "I don;t doubt that you love her, (how could anyone not!)..."

I have to ask you so many questions Elise. Why did you do all of this so suddenly and drastically? Why did you completely cut me out of communications once you made your decision? There is more but I am so exhausted. I have to start school in three days. Emotionally I am wreck and I am way behind on my studies and work commitments.

Anyway I will focus on the positives. I have an amazing daughter Helen and family that really cares about me. Although it is hard I have the opportunity to go back to school. That is all for now.

Hopefully I will be able to write about the things that interest me soon; architecture & art and how beauty is as necessary to us as food. My wonderful, wonderful daughter Helen. My unique views on computers and how they can make the world a better place. About being a hopeless idealist even at the age of 42. Community/container garden. To see what I am really thinking about check out my bookmark tags at http://delicious.com/tags/kevindiffily . .