Kevin Diffily’s Blog

Comcast's Usage Meter. Perspective from a legal downloader.

2010-03-21T11:28:00.001-04:00

Possibly in a former life I had used legitimate tools like bit torrent for purposes that content providers had not sanctioned but have long since ceased doing that. Comcast's commercials constantly taught their product's applicability for bandwidth intensive things such as photos, movies, and videos. I enjoy and exercise the ability to download multiple video podcasts, watch movies on demand through non-Comcast providers such as Amazon and Netflix, and use a third party VOIP service provider on a daily basis. In other words I use Comcast's product exactly as advertised and that is what has them concerned. It is also perfectly positioning Comcast for a class action anti-trust lawsuit. All of those competitor's on demand movies in HD sure do take a big chunk out of that monthly allowance. But hey those graphs sure are pretty to look at.

My darling daughter Helen and her tea...

2010-03-20T23:25:00.001-04:00

My daughter's K-6 Destination Imagination team in a first, won the state challenge and proceeds to the global finals.

Helen's team of fourth grader's won the Challenge E which focuses upon Structural Engineering, Materials Science, International Relations, Research, Innovation and Design Process, Mathematics, Theater Arts, Teamwork. While not a first for Cabot School, it is the first time ever that a team composed of elementary students have achieved this. Their team composed a structure entirely out of newsprint and glue that held the record amount of 25 pounds.

I hope to have photos of the event and more information soon. The Vermont Destination Imagination website has some information as does the national website. The global finals will be held in Knoxville Tennessee on May 26-29. As I have more information I will post it here.

What to do with a 9 year old for the summer.

2009-07-20T13:12:00.000-04:00

I'm having a hard time with Helen, or more accurately the situation. Helen is here 1/3 of the time and since her school friends are naturally back in Vermont she wants to spend all of her time with me and has trouble entertaining herself. Her numerous games, crafts, science activities, etc are out of favor and she doesn't want to do them by herself. When I try to ask her what she does with her friends she gives vague answers like playing, having fun. I know the phrase "I'm bored" seems to be in every young child's repertoire but, Oui Vey what is one to do. Camp is out of the picture for this year partly due to Helen's wishes and partly do to the budget of a dad in grad school.

If anyone has some ideas or experience with this type of thing please share.

Too Cute Guinea Pigs

2009-07-12T13:22:00.000-04:00

YouTube - Her Code: Engendering Change in Silicon Valley

2009-07-09T11:13:00.000-04:00

YouTube - Her Code: Engendering Change in Silicon Valley

John Hodgman at Radio & TV Correspondents' Dinner

2009-06-20T18:25:00.001-04:00

This is absolutely hilarious.

Breath Kevin Breath

2009-06-01T18:31:00.001-04:00

So the enormity of it all hit me on the train to BWI with Helen this afternoon. Tomorrow I begin a new job as a Drupal CMS programmer at GMU AND, I am starting Discrete Math as the first of two summer classes. I know I'm up for the first but DM has kicked my ads once already. Wish me luck.

I wish I could spend the summer reading about economics, game theory, auction theory, and organizational management theory to name a few but I think my plate already floweth over.

Breath Kevin Breath.

Claritin 24 Hour Allergy Tablets, 4 - 30 Packs for $24.48

2009-05-25T18:03:00.003-04:00

Well if you are anything like me you are suffering miserably from allergies right now. The pollen count in the DC Metro Area is really high. I saw this special on Amazon.com and figured out how to buy 4 packs of 30 for $24.48 with free shipping.

Claritin 24 Hour Allergy Tablets, 4 - 30 Packs for $24.48

Order 4 packs
Enter Code MAY9CLAR at checkout

I had to give my housemates 30 days notice to leave and feel like shit.

2009-04-28T22:03:00.000-04:00

I had to give my housemates 30 days notice and feel like shit. They are close to a month behind on the rent and want to start paying the following months rent in weekly installments. The mom was pleading with me to let them stay. She has a teenage son.

I've been told that this is not my fault, but I feel so guilty and horrible. As many of you know I have been on the other end of broke and desperate which doesn't make what I did any easier. There is also my political and ethical beliefs about being "my brother's keeper." I'm honestly conflicted between the part of me that knows I have to do this as a matter of survival, and the part that tells me I have failed to live up to my values. I'm not sure why I am writing this in a public space except I have to share this with someone other than my therapist.

Anyway I hope everyone in my circle is doing well. We are going through such tough times as a country and I know that at least some of my friends and acquaintances have lost their jobs. The old phrase about the broke college student is true and stressful but I know I am exceptionally lucky to have some sense of security and weather this out as a student.

Its getting late and I'm bushed. I've been exercising a lot - great for stress and that 40 something donut.

Ciao

the algae sucking fish!

2009-04-25T13:42:00.001-04:00

the algae sucking fish!
Originally uploaded by helenannesawyer

Helen totally loved this thing. It sucks algae off of the side of a fish tank. We saw this feller at the National Aquarium in DC.

Nora Month 10 - Nora breaks her pacifier and lovey out of crib prison.

2009-04-16T15:11:00.001-04:00

MOVIE Nora Month 10 - Binkie Addict
Originally uploaded by kelly_diffily

Nora's First Steps

2009-04-11T15:05:00.001-04:00

MOVIE First Steps - Assisted
Originally uploaded by kelly_diffily

My niece takes her first "assisted" steps. Wow!!

Frustrated with Stimulous

2009-02-07T11:15:00.001-05:00

In my opinion it is a given that a mandate for change was overwhelming during the past election. It is frustrating that the O,Bama administration in collusion with the democrats in congress are compromising with the republicans by A) giving 42% of the bill to tax cuts which have resoundinglly been shown to have low economically stimulative effect and B) reducing spending AKA stimulous AKA creating demand.

This bill is too important for compromise and bi-patisionship. Mr. O'bama and democrats it is the time to spend some of your political capital rather than compromise.

Europe’s Grass-Lined Green Railways

2009-01-28T15:52:00.001-05:00

One way to ameliorate climate change is to replace concrete with green, growing stuff wherever possible. Europe is showing that its green-grass railways is a good way to go. Say goodbye to heat-releasing tarmac!

read more | digg story

93-year-old freezes to death after city limits his electric

2009-01-27T18:23:00.001-05:00

A 93-year-old Bay City man froze to death inside his home several days after the city limited his electricity for failing to pay his bills. When Schur's body was discovered by a neighbor Jan. 17, the temperature inside the home was less than 32 degrees.

read more | digg story

Robert Reich's Blog: How You and I Are Paying Wall Street.

2009-01-26T16:18:00.001-05:00

Reich details how financial institutions that are receiving federal bailout money are turning around and spending heavily to lobby congress.

read more | digg story

Apparently the Obama Girls Didn't Like Mr. Bush

2009-01-22T18:28:00.000-05:00

This one made me laugh. I'm sure mom and dad will talk to the girls about being polite. I feel for them being so under a microscope.

Stimulus Bill Thoughts

2009-01-16T19:58:00.001-05:00

Long story short. It's absolutely necessary BUT we need to SLOW down and have public and congressional debate.

Common Sense Piece of Solving the Healthcare Crisis

2009-01-16T16:41:00.000-05:00

I am listening to the KQED Forum Podcast about the state of the state and California's dire economic situation. They mentioned healthcare which is a huge issue nationally and at all state levels. I make no pretensions to being an expert on healthcare policy but some things seem pretty apparent to me. At present many of the uninsured and/or underinsured are using emergency rooms instead of primary care providers. This is bad from an economic and public health policy standpoint because it is a major expense that is being bourn by the hospitals and ultimately the economy that could be done both cheaper and more effectively with primary care providers. From my understanding hospitals are legally required to provide needed care. Many doctors apparently do not accept patients who have public health insurance such as state children's health insurance, medicaid, etc. because the re-imbursement rates are too low. It is also apparently fairly common where physicians will not accept certain private plans. I believe that doctors deserve a "reasonable" payment for procedures from both public and private health insurance plans. I also strongly believe that a condition of their state medical licensure should be the requirement that they accept all public health insurance plans. This belief comes from a moral and practical political perspective. Shifting the burden onto physicians in the short term will have the effect of causing a well funded and politically active group applying effective political pressure to finally fix this problem. Health care and the economy in general are a mess. We really need to look at our core values and priorities and bring some sense of equity and fairness back to public policy.

How to unlock your 3G iPhone.

2009-01-01T12:15:00.002-05:00

How to unlock your 3G iPhone.

A new post over at crunchgear.

Vermont Minimum Wage Increase to Among Nations Highest. Too bad it is still not a livable wage.

2008-12-31T12:48:00.000-05:00

BEGIN SOAPBOX
On January 1, 2009 Vermont's minimum wage is set to increase to $8.06/hour which is among the nation's highest. While I applaud this move on Vermont's part I have to acknowledge the elephant in the room. Simply put $8.06 is not even close to a livable wage. I'm pretty sure that if you work a standard 40 hour week making this you would still qualify for a significant amount of government assistance. This is wrong in so many ways. From a humanitarian standpoint you should not be poor if you are willing to work full time even if that job is a menial one. I believe that the original intent of the minimum wage in the United States was to provide a wage that could support the minimum physical needs of a family. From a public policy standpoint having a wage this low is essentially a government subsidy for employers who fail to pay their employees a living wage. I know that the argument exists that small business simply cannot afford to pay their employees a minimum wage in the $15/hour range. While dubious, I seriously doubt that the toilets would not get cleaned, it also points out a simple fact. If your business model cannot support paying a living wage that does not require the government to subsidize your payroll through assistance programs, then you have no business being in business.
END SOAPBOX

The next generation comes so fast.

2008-12-23T16:26:00.002-05:00

00096
Originally uploaded by kevindiffily

This is a photo of my daughter Helen and my niece Nora. It amazes me how quickly they grow. I am in constant wonder and feel so fortunate to be able to see this happen. The little one sucking on her fingers (constantly) is probobly working on that set of baby teeth, or maybe she is just pondering the nature of particle physics. Don't ever underestimate them. Miss Helen continues to consume copious amounts of books and food, probobly about equal in weight. The airline person asked me how old she was today and I almost choked on saying nine. I can remember when she was the size of her young cousin. Anyway I have to head out the door in a few to pick her up at the airport.

Have a great holiday all.

The Clean Coal Carolers

2008-12-11T13:08:00.004-05:00

This is as hilarious as the coal industry's attempt to greenwash coal as cute, cuddly, and green.

To see it with sound you have to go here.

iPhone Copy and Paste Now Working Between Safari and Mail

2008-12-11T11:17:00.000-05:00

Check it out over at Gizmodo

Thanksgiving - Helen & Nora

2008-12-08T13:53:00.001-05:00

Thanksgiving - Helen & Nora
Originally uploaded by kelly_diffily

Aunt Kelly posted a photo of Helen and Nora that is just wonderful.

The Rich Are Hogging Our Common Inheritance -- We Must Take

2008-12-08T11:19:00.001-05:00

A bit didactic but a good overview of the necessity of a high inheritance tax, which Warren Buffet strongly backs.

read more | digg story

2008-11-28T23:31:00.001-05:00

00039

Posted via Pixelpipe.

President-Elect Obama Delivers The Weekly Democratic Radio Address As Youtube Video

2008-11-15T11:43:00.001-05:00

Some Friday Fun : In The Know: Should The Government Stop Dumping Money Into A Giant Hole?

2008-11-14T11:04:00.002-05:00

In The Know: Should The Government Stop Dumping Money Into A Giant Hole?

How Floating 'Energy Islands' Could Power the Future

2008-11-14T10:02:00.001-05:00

One of these hexagonally-shaped islands could generate 250 megawatts (enough power for a small city). Even more power is possible by mooring together several Energy Islands into a small archipelago that could include greenhouses for food, a small harbor for ships and a hotel for tourists.

read more | digg story

Movie of my darling niece Nora

2008-11-13T12:15:00.002-05:00

Here is a cute movie of my darling niece Nora in an exersaucer.

Google Voice and Video Chat - Too Kewl

2008-11-11T18:44:00.003-05:00

Wow!! Nader asks if Barack Obama will be an Uncle Sam or an Uncle Tom.

2008-11-05T17:13:00.000-05:00

Nader asks if Barack Obama will be an Uncle Sam or an Uncle Tom. I expected such assholiness from John McCain.

Voting Machines Elect One Of Their Own As President

2008-11-04T17:21:00.000-05:00

Voting Machines Elect One Of Their Own As President

Holy Crap The Voter Turnout is Insane

2008-11-04T11:37:00.000-05:00

I left my apartment this morning at 7:30 this morning which is right next to the voting location at Southport Apartments. I had planned to vote then. The line stretched for a few thousand people all the way up to Edlandria Apartments. It is great to see such a turnout in Virginia. Hopefully Northern Virginia will throw the state and the election in the right direction which is Democratic.

I'm going to meet with my professor at 12:30 and then head back to vote.

Robert Reich's Blog: The Meltdown (Part IV)

2008-10-27T17:41:00.001-04:00

Reich goes on to explain that the crisis and it solutions all come down to trust which is a psychological, not a financial construct.

read more | digg story

Women Inventors in History

2008-10-15T11:57:00.001-04:00

An article describing women inventors throughout history. Part of a Smithsonian display on the Lemelson Center's website. This is an inspiration and role model that more young women and girls need to see more frequently.

read more | digg story

iStrategyLabs Announces Apps for Democracy - An Innovation Challenge

2008-10-14T12:54:00.001-04:00

A challenge to develop software for democracy with $20,000 in awards money.

read more | digg story

Steal this Comic

2008-10-13T12:06:00.003-04:00

Posted via Pixelpipe.

D.C. Icon Olsson's Books declares Chapter 7

2008-10-12T12:37:00.002-04:00

I have very mixed feelings about this. As a liberal progressive I unconventionally believe in free market competition for businesses, while also supporting strong regulation of all businesses, big and small to provide good wages, health insurance, etc, and generally be a productive member of the community. Still it is sad to see a good place go.

read more | digg story

South African Electric Car the Crown of Paris Auto Show

2008-10-12T12:19:00.001-04:00

The Joule has been the darling of the Paris Auto Show, and it's easy to see why. The six-passenger car has a purported range of 250 miles, a 0-60 time of 4.8 seconds, and an out-of-nowhere backstory worthy of a Greg Gumble voiceover. It is estimated that this will set you back $22-28,000.

read more | digg story

2008-10-12T12:05:00.001-04:00

DSC00022.JPG

DSC00020.JPG

helen
DSC00019.JPG

helen
Posted via Pixelpipe.

Nobel Prize Physicist Explains Evils of Patents

2008-10-10T10:41:00.001-04:00

Over the last year or so, there have been a bunch of excellent books that have come out highlighting many of the issues we talk about here on a regular basis. The latest may be The Crime of Reason and the Closing of the Scientific Mind, written by Nobel Prize winning physicist, Robert B. Laughlin.

read more | digg story

Whirlwind Visit Helen Weekend

2008-10-03T21:50:00.000-04:00

This is gonna be a quickie. I am on a whirlwind tour to visit my daughter over the weekend. This morning I dashed out of class after taking my quiz at 11:20 to catch the shuttle bus to the metro to the MARC train to another shuttle bus to a Southwest Flight to MHT (Manchester, NH) landing at 4:30ish. 500 miles in 5 hours. Phew!! I am going to repeat the zaniness by leaving at 6:10AM on Monday in hopes of making my 9:30AM math class. Why all the fuss? That is simple. Look up on this page and you will see a precocious soon to be nine year old in a tree. I haven't seen her since she left Virginia two months ago, plus a Southwest credit was about to expire before Columbus Day.

Tomorrow I'm going to take her to gymnastics in the late morning and then she has a Girl Scout cookout that night. That ends at 8 so we'll shlep back here to Nashua, NH for the night and some well deserved sleep. In the morning hopefully we can make pancakes or something else fun. I pricelined and got a room at an Extended Stay with an efficiency kitchen - score!! After that H and I will head to the Montshire Museum for the rest of the day and then finally I have to drop off my not so little girl at mom's at 5PM.

Expect lots of pictures over at Helen's website soon. Well I have to wrap up a school assignment.

EndNote and Other Antiquated, Specialized Software

2008-09-26T19:42:00.004-04:00

For my workstudy at George Mason I am using a piece of software called EndNote which I found to be emblematic of antiquated, specialized software. While not always true it tends to have the following traits:

Expensive
Deal-breaker because it has some feature(s) that some niche needs.
Poorly laid out GUI.
Feature bloat with functions laid out all over the place. Give you the feeling that functionality was shoehorned into the program with each upgrade.
Seems as if it is the standard in its niche; see "Deal-breaker" above.

The funny thing is I just saw a listing on Slashdot that the Center for History and New Media School in George Mason is being sued for reverse engineering EndNote and introducing it as an open source, free, and much easier to use plugin for Firefox entitled Zotero .

You Know You've Been in Virginia for Too Long When:

2008-09-20T14:13:00.002-04:00

You consider bringing a sweatshirt when it is 72 deg outside.
You begin to even contemplate English as a mandatory language laws.
You wonder if widening that 8 lane highway might just reduce congestion.
Please add your thoughts....

Why I Really, Really Hate Math

2008-09-17T11:39:00.001-04:00

It makes me feel stupid bordering on incompetent. I excelled in math in high school, was in honors, until I hit calculus. Most of college math is just like calculus.
I have to take it as a pre-requisite for computer science.

The problem expressed mathematically is:

A= {Computer Science}
B = {Computer Science Math Pre-Requisites}
Relevance = A ⋂ B ≤ 0.0000000000001

Math = (Memory Recall of lots of arcane tricks and shortcuts) * (abstract concepts). It is the random memory recall that kills me because these tests are all closed book, no notes.

Saying all of this after I just at best got a 50% on a test worth 15% of my grade in Math105 - Pre Calc. I really studied and thought I had at least an 80% mastery of the content. The time pressure and test pressure makes a lot of that go out the window.

Nigerian Scammer tries to scam my apartment rental

2008-09-15T17:10:00.004-04:00

Unbelievable. I had gone back and forth with this guy for a few emails since he said his niece who currently lives in England was interested in my room for rent. OK. Did the questions, etc. Then today I get the hook to scam me. Here is the email. See the scam is that I cash his check and the bank gives me the money and I think everything is good. I send over $2000 out of the country to his "niece" Thing is the originating bank is either phony or will say the check was phony and I have to pay my bank back. BAD, BAD CON MAN. How did I know? The request sounded a bit on the fishy side so I looked at the IP Address of where this came from at DNS Stuff http://private.dnsstuff.com/tools/ipall.ch?ip=41.219.229.227
You will see that the message is not coming from England but from a certain African nation by the name of Nigeria.

erric henry

to me

show details 2:37 PM (2 hours ago)

Warning: This message may not be from whom it claims to be. Beware of following any links in it or of providing the sender with any personal information. Learn more

Hello,
Thanks for your response.She will arrive by Octomber 1st and leave by March 30th neice's name is Beckins Henry and she is 24 years old Medical student of Universty of East London.She is responsile,neat,non-smoker and easy going.I want to pay for the first month rent payment and security deposit upfront before her arrival.I will send you one of my US cashier check of $3650 which i bought the last time i came to the US.I will write it payable to your name which is cashabe in your bank.I am sending you that much money because my dad is very sick at the moment and i need to go out of town to take care of him and i need to go with all the money i have with me because i dont know how much money am going to spend for his hospital bill and take care of neccessary things.The cashier check is for US which is cashable at your bank and its not cashable here in UK.I made promise to my niece early this year that if she performs very well in her Final year exams in the University that am going to send her to the US for her vacation.She has performed very well and i dont want to dissapoint her.So as soon as you receive the casheir check,take it to the bank and cash it,remove $1480 and send the balance down here to my niece through western union money transfer so she can buy her ticket and buy necessary things she will need because i will be away from town to take care of my dad because he is very sick at the moment.She will pay for utilitites when she arrive there.My niece has no problem sharing apartment with either a male, female or pets around.Send me your name,address and phone number so i can write the check payable to your name.

Hope to hear from you as soon as possible to i can send the check to you before i leave town to my dad's place

Regards

The actual text of the email is here.

Delivered-To: kevin@kevindiffily.comReceived: by 10.101.66.19 with SMTP id t19cs445259ank;        Mon, 15 Sep 2008 11:38:01 -0700 (PDT)Received: by 10.114.144.1 with SMTP id r1mr6546349wad.97.1221503880806;        Mon, 15 Sep 2008 11:38:00 -0700 (PDT)Return-Path: Received: from web63601.mail.re1.yahoo.com (web63601.mail.re1.yahoo.com [69.147.97.71])        by mx.google.com with SMTP id 9si18419423ywf.2.2008.09.15.11.37.59;        Mon, 15 Sep 2008 11:38:00 -0700 (PDT)Received-SPF: pass (google.com: domain of e_henry209@yahoo.com designates 69.147.97.71 as permitted sender) client-ip=69.147.97.71;DomainKey-Status: good (test mode)Authentication-Results: mx.google.com; spf=pass (google.com: domain of e_henry209@yahoo.com designates 69.147.97.71 as permitted sender) smtp.mail=e_henry209@yahoo.com; domainkeys=pass (test mode) header.From=e_henry209@yahoo.comReceived: (qmail 22041 invoked by uid 60001); 15 Sep 2008 18:37:59 -0000DomainKey-Signature: a=rsa-sha1; q=dns; c=nofws;  s=s1024; d=yahoo.com;  h=X-YMail-OSG:Received:X-Mailer:Date:From:Reply-To:Subject:To:In-Reply-To:MIME-Version:Content-Type:Message-ID;  b=Kk72JKmChR5/H88MhXDDoyySFsYcAUFbFuRThLVVQ/eJkVxrH+nnDZ0uMLSaDcDn6HivVzEYMTNLMBQCgaOyBpmkNY8WeFD9pGdv9tp5Jr+Zg534U4VdqNEBqetEKsxKMxk+KeI3Lpwi44ObIZGFDOFpY5PkAtN1UeWPFZoAo6c=;X-YMail-OSG: z4NgQmoVM1l5a_MI_VpOhT5MYBfx6_dh9OUZNyy2rzz8a4p0XSlM8WR2sFq9AlrrrpKV0OJFCwDxzOMe_WTtaUPEEvhjVvlO3R7JAcsgEGSgDXV2Xv08e1yWbRtpcsA-Received: from [41.219.229.227] by web63601.mail.re1.yahoo.com via HTTP; Mon, 15 Sep 2008 11:37:59 PDTX-Mailer: YahooMailWebService/0.7.218.2Date: Mon, 15 Sep 2008 11:37:59 -0700 (PDT)From: erric henry Reply-To: e_henry209@yahoo.comSubject: Re: roomTo: Kevin Diffily In-Reply-To: <30a04a620809141859u2992bc5fkc2ead994d3cd3759@mail.gmail.com>MIME-Version: 1.0Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="0-1597228046-1221503879=:21865"Message-ID: <187778.21865.qm@web63601.mail.re1.yahoo.com>--0-1597228046-1221503879=:21865Content-Type: text/plain; charset=iso-8859-1Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printableHello,Thanks for your response.She will arrive by Octomber 1st and leave by March= 30th neice's name is Beckins Henry and she is 24 years old Medical student= of Universty of East London.She is responsile,neat,non-smoker and easy goi=ng.I want to pay for the first month rent payment and security deposit upfr=ont before her arrival.I will send you one of my US cashier check of $3650 =which i bought the last time i came to the US.I will write it payable to yo=ur name which is cashabe in your bank.I am sending you that much money beca=use my dad is very sick at the moment and i need to go out of town to take =care of him and i need to go with all the money i have with me because i do=nt know how much money am going to spend for his hospital bill and take car=e of neccessary things.The cashier check is for US which is cashable at you=r bank and its not cashable here in UK.I made promise to my niece early thi=s year that if she performs very well in her Final year exams in the University that am going to send her to the US for her vacation.She has pe=rformed very well and i dont want to dissapoint her.So as soon as you recei=ve the casheir check,take it to the bank and cash it,remove $1480 and send =the balance down here to my niece through western union money transfer so s=he can buy her ticket and buy necessary things she will need because i will= be away from town to take care of my dad because he is very sick at the mo=ment.She will pay for utilitites when she arrive there.My niece has no prob=lem sharing apartment with either a male, female or pets around.Send me you=r name,address and phone number so i can write the check payable to your na=me.=A0Hope to hear from you as soon as possible to i can send the check to you be=fore i leave town to my dad's place=A0=A0RegardsHenry

Java Lab Thoughts - Writing GUIs in Java is so much more cumbersome than xhtml/CSS.

2008-09-14T22:13:00.003-04:00

I am 90% complete with Java Lab #1 due on Thursday. It is an applet laying out a graph. While it is fairly easy I forgot just how infuriatingly time consuming it is to layout GUIs in Java. I wish they would realize that GUIs are so much easier, and in this century, common to be coded in XHTML and CSS with Java as the Model and Control code. Sigh!!

Thoughts on realistic expectations, school, and relationships

2008-09-14T13:00:00.000-04:00

Yea, yea I know everyone is getting sick of hearing about my emotional and relationship status on a recurring basis. I had a bit of an epiphany yesterday regarding my limitations and what I should and should not commit too. I had to bow out of the ACLU training yesterday because I was simply exhausted and overwhelmed. Initially I viewed this as a failure. What I learned is that I need to be more realistic about my commitment level, especially when I am going through a difficult emotional time. It is essential that I become more engaged yet it is also essential that I don't over extend. During times such as this I need to commit to smaller, shorter things that have the option to not show up. The coffee klatch meetup is a perfect example meeting every Saturday morning for a couple of hours just to chat.

At present school is completely overwhelming and I am not really meeting my goals (time wise) for studying and work study. Somehow I need to get on a more even keel so I am not in either crash mode or work frenetically mode which has been the norm as of late. When I figure it out I will let you know. Right now I consistently stay up too late, sleep too many hours (10+) and wake up too late.

Elise and I have opened communication to some degree after I helped with the email. She said she was touched by the paper letter that I sent to her. I need to be careful about inflated expectations but it would be really nice to have her in my life to some degree at least.

I have also put an add out for a roommate last night. Got two flaky responses and one from what seemed to be a normal person. Keep my fingers crossed.

I am Such a Chump Part 1

2008-09-12T00:49:00.003-04:00

Such a champ. I get an e-mail from Elise's mother, Phillis who hung up on me when I last called. Elise cant remember her password and is having problems. listen

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Rant against Jott. 30...

2008-09-12T00:48:00.002-04:00

Rant against Jott. 30 seconds of talk time is not enough to post to a blog. listen

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I am Such a Chump Part 2

2008-09-12T00:47:00.008-04:00

Part 2. I spend over an hour of time, I shouldn't, hoping my ex-girlfriend who hasn't done anything for me over the past 3 months. listen

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Sue K invited us up for Thanksgiving

2008-09-12T00:47:00.007-04:00

Sue K invited us up for thanksgiving in Toronto. Hopefully Miss H and I can make it across the boarder. Awesome, it will be fun. listen

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Anger, Moving On, and My Own Demons

2008-09-11T00:20:00.004-04:00

I would love to have a drink right now, probably a few, but I choose not too. I took an entire day off from school today because of my demons. And I am getting tired of them. I want to exorcise Elise from my heart, thoughts, and home. I have asked her to deal with the physical objects that she has left here. I simply want to put them in the dumpster but will give her the chance to have them picked up or pay me the postage to get them out. I am in the "angry" stage right now. Elise you dumped me with no warning and no notice and you did it via email. Shame on you. You then led me to believe that there was hope for 2 months but kept all of the control. Communication was severely restricted by your choosing and all of the choices and decisions about us were made by you. You should be ashamed. I would never have done that to you. No human being shuts out their significant other so abruptly and harshly if they have a shred of decency. And what about your step-daughter Helen? Yes it is painful for you to deal with but she has not heard your voice in close to four months and all she received was a pathetic letter from you a week ago. I am so angry at myself for not seeing that you weren't capable of being a parent when it gets hard. You have hurt that child and you need to do everything in your power to talk, and fix things with her. She doesn't have the vocabulary to tell me what she is thinking but your actions have profoundly hurt her. I hope you grow up and stop hiding behind your disability and take some adult responsibilities upon yourself. Your needs do not trump those around you. I could go on but I have to be up in 5 hours and as usual cannot sleep. I doubt you will read this anyway.

A wordle of this site taken today

2008-09-07T15:49:00.000-04:00

Wow wordle is really neat. As they say "Wordle is a toy for generating “word clouds” from text that you provide. The clouds give greater prominence to words that appear more frequently in the source text. You can tweak your clouds with different fonts, layouts, and color schemes. The images you create with Wordle are yours to use however you like. You can print them out, or save them to the Wordle gallery to share with your friends."

Poor Helen has strep and her dog just died

2008-09-07T13:18:00.005-04:00

No that is not the title to a terrible country music song. Helen has strep and had to go to the urgent care clinic. Her mom told me that their old dog Jerry got sick at around 2am and died this morning. Helen, the eternal optimist, chats to me not about that but that she thought the photos of her niece Nora were so so cute. I called her later and she sounded tired. She said she didn't have much energy and was sad about her dog but was so excited about her niece. She especially liked the photo that showed her holding Nora. Go Helen!!

Trying to get used these weekends on my own.

2008-09-05T18:57:00.001-04:00

I haven't been on my own in a number of years. My daughter is back in school for the year and as you know my love Elise has left me for a new life in California. Someone at the D.C. Divorce Support Meetup group asked me what I do for fun and what came to mind was spending time with my family. Hmm, leaves me kinda stuck. Of course there are a lot of diverse and esoteric interests that I have but the foundation of most of it was the Kevin, Elise, & Helen power treo. To be honest it is intimidating to go out on my own in this still new and strange city and get involved. I am going meetup.com crazy and volunteered for an ACLU training next weekend. The reality is that my time is limited after studies, work, and oh yea that mental health thing. I don't know what to say except this is not what I expected. I expected to be married to Elise Burrows, buying a house, starting a career, a couple of pugs Pretty boring. It makes me sad, it makes me lonely. So I try to remain positive, focused and involved. To rememeber the important things I have like friends and family (wish they were closer), reasonable financial security and comfort, and making positive changes in my life.

Any comments, thoughts, and especially hugs sent my symbolically or in person would make a world of difference.

Take a DEEP, DEEP Breath

2008-09-04T21:36:00.005-04:00

Holy crap the secondary student loan came through. I want to do pirouettes in my ballet slippers across the floor!! Screeeecccccchhhhhh, holy crap I look at the fine print and realize this is like a small freaking mortgage. Now this is just one of three and they are talking about 20 year repayments and by the time I pay it off I will have almost paid back twice the original loan amount. Breath Kevin breath at least you will be able to buy groceries and rent for the next year. Repeat after me, debt is good, debt drives the economy, debt is good.....

My Garden as a metaphor for myself

2008-09-01T22:39:00.002-04:00

I finally went out to tend to my garden today. Man it is looking raggedy. Not a chance that you will see photos of its current state. I sat in that garden and realized that we were soul brothers; raggedy yet insanely strong, holding on after weeks, no months of barely any care and water. I loved those plants today trimming them, watering them and just communing with them. We will rise from the ashes and become reborn.

Today I felt like shit, hence the foray into the garden. Nothing better to get out of your own head than to focus on the care and feeding of something else. That was the most productive thing I could do today.

Where was Elise in all of this, you know she still haunts the place. Anyway we had a weird email conversation starting with her sending me the letter that she is gong to send to Helen and Sarah. She was receptive to my request that she also take the initiative to contact Helen. We discussed our mutual pain when we communicate right now. God breakups suck. Still wish you would pick up the phone and just talk to me for 30 minutes my dear Elise. I wish I could giggle at you under your 500 blankets and silly hats. Thats what I loved. Not the incredible body, the kind soul, the twisted humor, no it was those damn hats. Still wishing you the best my love.

In that weird in between place

2008-08-30T15:38:00.001-04:00

I'm in that weird in between place between crisis and normalcy and its weirdly uncomfortable in a non de-script type of way. I think of Elise all of the time but it doesn't instinctively elicit the intense emotional reaction any more. The shear magnitude of energy and time required for school doesn't allow for much else. I'm going to just really be focused on grades this semester. With two math courses and a retake of Java it is not such an intellectually exciting proposition but a good structured means to an end.

Elise promptly replied to my email requesting that she mail Dittmar to take her name off of the lease. Her response was very polite but with no love in it (my interpretation) which is still throwing me a bit even though I read it four hours ago. Of course I am listening to the apropriate music for a moment like this.

"Exile in Guyville" (Liz Phair)

Breakups suck, no way around that. They also crush you or make you stronger. I'm getting my strength back, my creativity is returning yet I still know that something essential is missing. Anyway Elise you have taken enough of my attention for today even though crap I still love you.

Well work study and a paycheck is tapping my shoulder. Ciao for now ...................

First quiz of this semester...

2008-08-29T11:20:00.001-04:00

First quiz of this semester in Mark 105 ____ be, looking forward for a three day or ____ we can. listen

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Wow, Jott.com sure messed up that transcription. It should have read as follows:
"First quiz of this semester in Math 105. I think I passed, maybe even a B. Looking forward to a three day Labor Day weekend."

Her Absence Hit Me Like a Truck Speeding By

2008-08-27T21:27:00.003-04:00

You know that feeling of having all the air suck away when something big like a train goes by you quickly. That is what I'm going through. Out of the blue I really, terribly miss Elise. I'm home after a late day at school watching The Fountain. I just miss the little things, the touch, the glance, her head on my shoulder. This healing process is like shedding a skin. I miss you Lisi.

Thoughts on Week 1 at GMU

2008-08-27T15:30:00.000-04:00

You know I was just about to post that "wow they finally got the wireless internet working" but then it is now totally crapping out. I have seen some positive changes here. T-Mobile seems to work everywhere. They put up signs so you can find buildings which was sorely needed. Spring is so much zanier than the beginning of fall. I finally got all of my classes registered and spoke to my 2/3 profs about my disability statement. They were both really nice and accommodating about it. Since going through this crisis I have to say I am struck by how compassionate people have been. Anyway while I procrastinate, I am taking pre-calculus and Discrete Mathematics with Set Theory. I guess it gets some of us hot but not me. Strictly a pre-requisite to move on to bigger and better things. I'm totally jazzed about Java. Good prof, I know the material and can probobly do some fun stuff for extra credit. Next on the list...meet some fellow geeks and politicos my age.

Hopefully posting to...

2008-08-26T17:41:00.001-04:00

Hopefully posting to my blog via Jott, random thoughts. listen

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First Day of Classes

2008-08-25T20:40:00.000-04:00

Holy %8@# Batman I made it through my first day of classes and I did it well. Not a tear until I was in my therapy session. I'm loading up on math this semester. I am taking 125 (Discrete Math & Set Theory). I dropped calculus so I don't repeat last years debacle of putting the time and attention into studying that I need to pass the placement test while not being able to attend to my classes. I felt that even if I could pass without falling behind I was just too unprepared and would ultimately not get the GPA that I want. Ahh it is humbling to accept one's limits. I am instead going to take Math 105 which is pre-calc. I wasn't able to register but checked the math department's requirements and I did score high enough on the test last spring so they should manually put me in the class. I'm pretty excited to re-take CS211 (Java) because I know the course and the professor Dan Fleck is a great teacher and person.

I still miss Elise desperately and hope that one day we can be at least friends if not reconciled and married. I need to give her some space and in a couple of weeks will see if she is open to meeting in person in a couple of months. The end of any relationship is not the fault of any one person but I have to take the lions share of the responsibility for this one. Before I can rebuild a relationship with her, or anyone for that matter I need to heal myself and continue to work on and develop the support systems that I need to stay healthy.

Lisi I just hope you sleep well tonight and that you are happy.

Chat with Helen

2008-08-24T20:15:00.001-04:00

Helen's first words to me are "Daddy I'm exhausted." She went camping with Natalie and some other friends for the past couple of nights. She then came home this morning and went to a tea party, dressed up of course. God I hope that someone posts some photos. It was a quick call since she was so wiped. I love my child. She is everything that is right about the world.

Sunday Morning AA

2008-08-24T13:33:00.000-04:00

I went to my second AA meeting this morning. Its hard to tell if it helps or not. Right now I am simply going for the fellowship with other people since I don't feel this overwhelming urge to drink. I didn't talk, just listened. Was stifling the urge to openly cry. I do have to say Karen is right in the sense that you do hear snippets of your own life in the stories that other's tell. I'm thinking of trying another group since this one is both far away and pretty small. I don't feel a connection to it. Maybe that is me or maybe it is the group. Anyway many, many tears flowed on the ride home. I cannot get Elise out of my head. I hope that I can focus on school, take care of myself emotionally and physically, and get past this relationship or fix it. Ahh, but that is the problem, that I think it is salvageable. Elise has made her desires clear.

Partly Sunny, Partly Cloudy

2008-08-24T00:14:00.001-04:00

Well my parent's showed up for another extended stay last night. Bless them.

This morning I really overslept and missed AA and swimming. Will do that tomorrow.

Today's weather (aka my emotional state) was turbulent and changed frequently gaining a brief mention on the weather channel. I needed to borrow the folks car this morning to run some errands and noticed a major design flaw. The car only has windshield wipers on the outside. The amount of precipitation generated inside the car was considerable but did not make driving conditions dangerous.

Upon getting home my folks were getting ready for the day. Thank god they sleep late. We went to Cosi. Nothing exciting but it was good to get out. I told them I wanted to go home and would walk to the metro. By this point I was in some type of emotional shock with all types of thoughts about how to deal with the end of my relationship with the woman that I love. I had delusions of the phone ringing and Elise saying she had made a big mistake and wanted to come home to the floodgates opening when reality hit a little closer. I finally decided that I will try to write a letter saying we both need time to heal and get over our relationship but I need to know we will be friends at some point in the future. Delusional, mental double talk, probably but right now whatever gets me through the day is OK. I'll run this by my therapist on Monday. Hoping to make a flight out to California in October or November when things have had time to settle down and heal.

Night all. Please continue to send your love and thoughts.

Today is Elise Karen Burrow's 44th Birthday

2008-08-22T15:10:00.000-04:00

Coming to terms with the finality of Elise's breakup is incredibly hard on my emotionally. I have been crying more than I ever have in my life. At times I see the sun shining through. I sent out an email to friends and family including mutual friends. The response was incredible with over 20 replies in a few days expressing love and compassion. I have it hanging from my ceiling to remind me that I am not alone, that I am loved. The hardest thing is that I physically do not have anyone here for something I desperately need, a hug.

I alternate between the realization that I need to simply accept Elise's wishes and her need to move on without me, and this desperate need to try to win her back. To explain to her that things are really fixable. I know that I could do that if I saw her in person for a day or two. I so, so wish that she would talk to me on the phone. Aside form my pain I just cannot help but feel that she is throwing away something precious in an attempt to protect her physical, emotional, and financial health. As our friend Karen said "I don;t doubt that you love her, (how could anyone not!)..."

I have to ask you so many questions Elise. Why did you do all of this so suddenly and drastically? Why did you completely cut me out of communications once you made your decision? There is more but I am so exhausted. I have to start school in three days. Emotionally I am wreck and I am way behind on my studies and work commitments.

Anyway I will focus on the positives. I have an amazing daughter Helen and family that really cares about me. Although it is hard I have the opportunity to go back to school. That is all for now.

Hopefully I will be able to write about the things that interest me soon; architecture & art and how beauty is as necessary to us as food. My wonderful, wonderful daughter Helen. My unique views on computers and how they can make the world a better place. About being a hopeless idealist even at the age of 42. Community/container garden. To see what I am really thinking about check out my bookmark tags at http://delicious.com/tags/kevindiffily . .

Coping with Elise Karen Burrows leaving me

2008-08-21T23:48:00.000-04:00

This is a picture of the women that I love. Isn't she beautiful. This is the women to whom I was engaged to in June, who moved her things out in July, and told me a couple of nights ago via email that it was over. My heart is totally broken. I have so many thoughts but the words are not coming tonight. I just so wish my "Lisi" had made the decision to try again. Tomorrow is your birthday Elise so happy birthday.

I will always love you.....